Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
