Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
