Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
