I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
