i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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