I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
