i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
