Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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