What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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