I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
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i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
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I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...