That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
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She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.