Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.