you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.