It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.