So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
BRING THE BAGELS
i need some magic done to my vagina
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts