Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  I think I just saw someone hide a body.

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  (917): I think I just saw someone hide a body. http://tfl.nu/2aay
  Replies (13) Good night (1762) Bad night (2890)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up

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  (816): I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up http://tfl.nu/d7fo
  Replies (25) Good night (848) Bad night (5594)
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  (310): View more from California

  Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING

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  (310): Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING http://tfl.nu/6fv4
  Replies (24) Good night (1230) Bad night (9012)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!

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  (785): so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out! http://tfl.nu/n1rp
  Replies (11) Good night (4614) Bad night (1315)
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  (661): View more from California

  He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

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  (661): He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ay3j
  Replies (23) Good night (7773) Bad night (1209)
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  (718): View more from New York

  it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store

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  (718): it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store http://tfl.nu/b87c
  Replies (8) Good night (4751) Bad night (988)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?

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  (716): Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate? http://tfl.nu/244l
  Replies (18) Good night (2973) Bad night (1218)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.

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  (512): We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots. http://tfl.nu/ta1s
  Replies (10) Good night (1346) Bad night (1797)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  and you said he wasn't worth calling.

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  (515): he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer. (1-515): and you said he wasn't worth calling. http://tfl.nu/rvi9
  Replies (17) Good night (1984) Bad night (705)
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  (212): View more from New York

  I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday

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  (212): I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday http://tfl.nu/8t4e
  Replies (3) Good night (748) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts

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  (512): dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts http://tfl.nu/md3j
  Replies (2) Good night (690) Bad night (504)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.

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  (915): I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers. http://tfl.nu/kpt3
  Replies (1) Good night (559) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?

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  (780): Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office? http://tfl.nu/0lyw
  Replies (6) Good night (426) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.

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  (702): I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get. http://tfl.nu/37ej
  Replies (0) Good night (725) Bad night (274)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.

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  (612): Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today. http://tfl.nu/5bck
  Replies (3) Good night (481) Bad night (121)

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