Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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