Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
