Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
zippers are such a cool invention
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
