Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
