i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
