did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
