Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
