yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My pussy is not your playground.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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