I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
