big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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