I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
