I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
