I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we have officially lost it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
