Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
