So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
