This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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