i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
