Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She told me I should be a condom model.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
