Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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