I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
