Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
