Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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