where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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