The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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