Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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