Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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