We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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