I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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