she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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