Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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