i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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