Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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