I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
