So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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