You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
