I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
