how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
