we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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