there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
