Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
