I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
