the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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