Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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