i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
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Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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