I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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