You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
