I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
