Cold hands, warm shart.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
