Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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